Haunted

The lonely dream

I had a dream. It was horrible very upsetting. It was about my mother. All I can remember about it is that she said that she felt so lonely during her final illness.

My single biggest regret is that I didn’t climb onto the hospital bed with her. I was afraid of hurting her. I was afraid that my father would be angered by it.

I think mum would have tolerated the pain for one warm, intimate, loving hug.

The intensity of the sadness I felt in my dream woke me and I could not get back to sleep.

I look across the river Styx, watching her rowed away;
It is time that separates us, year by year, day by day;
Darkling mists roll down, a silvery shroud surrounds them;
The light of memory fades, by more grief I am overcome.
Does she want to look back? Does she know that I still cry?
Does she know I miss her? As day by day, I slowly die.

Preparing to prepare

Consequently, I was bloody shattered all day.

However, that hasn’t stopped me moving the furniture around the lounge area ready for me to lift the laminate flooring tomorrow night.

I thought the room was pretty empty already, but there were boxes of things that I had to take out of drawers before the furniture was light enough to carry upstairs.

All that remains in the whole area now is the dining table, which I shall be able to dismantle when the dehumidifier is taken away on Friday. And the sofa – which is WAY to heavy for me lift on my own.

However, doing that little bit of work for ninety minutes has restored my mood a little

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More energy

Gym

I didn’t fight the alarm so much this morning, so I was up in good time to go to the gym.

I did thirty minutes spinning, plus some stretches. That’s an increase of ten minutes from Monday.

I’ll not increase the time any more, instead I’ll increase the intensity.

I’ll also add in running exercises some days.

Intersex

I had a brief conversation with somebody on Reddit. They thought they were trans-fem, but have recently discovered that they were born intersex.

I wondered whether I, as a eunuch, would be counted as intersex. Apparently not, since intersex is a condition that one is born in where one’s sexual configuration doesn’t match eith one’s genetic configuration.

This person was a genetic female, but born with a penis and was therefore miss-sexed at birth and was brought up a boy.

Migraine

I had a migraine come on this morning; I think it was the back to back meetings and all the people talking at once … or it might have been the bloody roar from the dehumidifier gradually wearing me down.

I went for a lie down for thirty minutes.

Ninety minutes later I force myself to get up and go back to work.

I’ll have another lie down when I finished work.

Raising the floor

My job for this evening is lifting the floor.

And it has come up much, much easier that I had even hoped!

As a result, its taken about forty-five minutes to get all the boards raised – and most of them are in good nick! I may re-use them in the shed if they are not suitable for the bathroom.

I may have most of this evening off as well – it is bloody hot working in the lounge with the bloody dehumidifier pumping hot air all over the place.