Starting the home renovation

Feeling low

I spent the evening at the house last night. Most of I spent in the kitchen, because at least I could shut the door and be less affected by the drone of the dehumidifiers – which seem to work at a level most designed to drive me into depression.

The house is a depressing mess and weighs on my mind.

I really hope that I can get the floor sorted quickly, because that will greatly ease how I feel.

Testavan problem

I was late out of bed this morning, starting work without a T shirt on to allow time for the Testavan to work. This may be a problem with the gel, that it requires twenty minutes to dry before you’re allowed to put clothes on. When you’re in a rush or late, those twenty minutes matter. I also don’t know what I am going to do when I cycle to the gym, as I can’t exactly sit around topless for twenty minutes when I start work.

I understand a little better why some people prefer the monthly injections to the gel; I also see an advantage to taking it at night. I am going to persevere with taking it of a morning and see whether I can work it out. Certainly, not getting up on time aggravates the problem!

Home progress

Today, I paid a deposit on having the wooden floors restored. It means that I have to life the remaining laminate flooring so that the wood underneath can “breathe”. I’ll start that on Saturday. I’m going to try to lift the laminate as carefully as I can so that we can reuse it in the bathroom.

That’s booked for the 8th October for four days.

An electrician came out with his apprentice. Lovely guys. They managed to establish that the thermostat is fine, as are the wires linking it to the boiler, however the boiler isn’t responding. I have placed a call with the boiler insurance company. They will give me a call to arrange a date for the engineer to come out.

I managed to get hold of a roofing guy and sent him some photos of the cracked tiles. This is completely separate from the flood problem we had! The tiles cracked sometime last winter and are letting quite a bit of water in. There are large plastic containers underneath catching the water. We don’t have any roofing felt underneath, however, if I can ever find the money, I would like the roof replaced and a loft conversion putting it! We might even manage a glimpse of the New Forest from that level.

There’s also a radiator that needs hanging in the kitchen. I might see about getting somebody in to sort that out – or I might have a go myself: I am feeling like Super Mario after plumbing in the toilet!

Speaking to the husband

Feeling angry

We’d exchanged a few messages during the course of the day; he is not happy that I have decided to proceed with the floor restoration without consulting him.

This is a fair cop really. The question is why?

Well, the answer is easy in some respects: I feel angry.

But why am I angry? OK, he cracked the cistern than flooded the house, I do feel angry about that. At the same time I also intellectually know that its not his fault: he was triggered and things happened as a result. Being triggered is not his fault. Its not mine either – well, I am not going to take responsibility for it: I told the truth as kindly as I could without compromising its essence or understandability.

I feel in a terrible double bind: if I say how I feel, I risk triggering him – and chaos ensues, or if I hold my thoughts and feelings back I am open to criticism and reproach – and not being honest cannot work in any kind of relationship, especially one that aspires to be open.

I feel entitled to feel angry. I am told frequently that “you feel what you feel”, but not what to do with those feelings.

I understand his feelings in that by making the decision to have the floor done on my initiative, that I am locking him out – since neither of us have really given up on the relationship, keeping communication open and involving each other is important. he also understands that things need to happen quickly.

I have agreed to not take any more design decisions without him, and to stop at when I complete the preparation for redecorating.

Positive?

Actually, it wasn’t such a bad conversation (not from my perspective). We even managed to talk about how I take things literally (like the husband’s comment about “not being happy” about taking the dog to my dad’s). He also pointed out that I tend to react badly to things that I perceive as demands. I know this, too.

If we are both aware of these behaviours, then we both have choices about how we communicate, and I have a better choice about how I handle things that I hear – questioning more to ensure that I really do understand what is said, but also he knows that there is a risk that I may not have understood what he was actually saying.

Starting to clean up

Eroica energy

I popped my noise cancelling headphones and and played Beethoven Symphony Number 3. The first movement is full of energy and really put me in the mood to clean up!

I started by moving a few things around, cleaning up the empties in the back bedroom, then started taking up the remaining beading in the hallway and pulling out the nails.

I’d expected to find beading under the rest of the floor in the lounge area, but there wasn’t any: the lounge laminate fits end to end with perfect measuring. I do not know whether its going to easy to lift that, but I want to try to preserve as much of it as possible for the bathroom. I’ll find the answer to that out another day.

The plants I took upstairs. Some of the pots are really heavy.

And I don’t know what I am going to do with the armchairs and sofa!

A problem for another day.

On the plus side, while I was cleaning up the back bedroom (where my husband spends most of his time when triggered), I found an unopened packet of Jaffa Cakes! Yum!

Boilerman

And we have heating. The boiler needs replacement dials as the outside twiddlers don’t connect with the inside twiddlers. All covered under boiler insurance.

I also asked him about e-hanging a radiator; he can do it. Not an extortionate price, but we have enough to do for the moment – and it is a job that I know that my husband can do.

Question for the group

Should I have a blog category of “jays house refit” or something like that!?