Last night

Doubts over the dog

Yesterday, we did a lot of talking. One of the things that came up was the dog and her staying with my dad.

My husband said that he wasn’t sure that it was a good idea. I agreed and said that I expected dad to struggle, but he was insistent and wanted to help us and this is what he’s fixed on to do so. Besides, they might surprise us and it all works out fine.

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Sunday

Daddy doggy sitter

The drive to Bristol is between one-and-a-hair and two hours. The dog didn’t settle very well in the back of the car. I find myself thinking that dad would be unable to take her to his club, because the moment another person makes eye contact with her or another dog enters the bar, she’d be off! There’d be tables, chairs, and drinks everywhere.

The dog went bananas when I got to dad’s house, reaching all over the place, tail wagging and papers and pens flying off the stool by dad’s chair where he keeps such things.

She bounced up and down and scratched his arm; he even bled a little.

“She’s not trained” he said.

“Yes, she is. She’s a beagle. This is an impressively trained and obedient beagle.” And I made her come and sit and take a treat gently.

He tried, but he wasn’t very firm with her and she went nuts again. It would have been funny, considering how strict and grumpy he was when I was a child, however his lack of control was a worry.

We talked a while about how to look after her and things to be aware of, was well as it recent flood.

I had a cuppa, then left for my brother’s house.

Nephews

The two boys are gorgeous! The eldest kept bringing me toys and telling me what they are.

He’s been given confirmation that he will have whatever support is needed when he hits to school next year, which my brother and his girlfriend are much relieved by.

The youngest was very shy to begin with, but later on he just came and plonked himself on my lap – which was the most precious thing ever!

I tied little blankets around their necks and they both played at superheroes for a while.

I love spending time with those lads!

Relating to our dad

Before I left, my brother and I talked about it dad. Our concerns about his driving, but also his behaviour towards my brother and nephews.

I said to my brother that if he thinks of our dad as autistic, then how does that change his perception of our dad? He got it, and it enabled him to let go of some if his pain and see some additional connection with our dad.

Our conversation moved onto some if it “traits”. I said that the rumble of engines and motors did my head in. He said the same, but for him it was worse first thing in the morning.

I had my noise cancelling headphones in my bag, so I put them on him and let him hear the difference. He could and appreciated their value.

Whilst we were doing that, the eldest nephew came in and wanted to try them on. Of course I obliged. The look on his face as the music came out of nowhere and filed his brain – it was beautiful to see. Mum and dad are going to get him some headphones for his birthday.

Crossed boundary or just wasn’t paying attention?

On the way back, I phoned my husband. I always do after a Bristol visit whether I’m returning to the house or to the flat. I want to say “I’m on my way home”, but I also want to connect with him and share a little of what’s happened. Usually, it’s not a terribly successful conversation because we can’t hear each other over the rumble of the tyres.

He said that he felt that I ignored his concerns about my dad and the dog.

I felt a bit pissed off. I’ve been trying to work out why. I think that is because he was threatening to have the dog adopted because he didn’t cope, and that he was out of it when the agreement was made. Hubby did say that I could have cancelled dad.

I’m thinking now, and I am wondering whether what actually happened was that I took my husband literally. He didn’t say “please don’t do this” and instead put it as an expression of doubt – and it was a doubt that I shared!

I think that I need to be even more aware of this tendency to take things literally and question what is actually being said more.

Phantom balls

Here’s a giggle from the drive home: I felt that my right testicle was being squashed in my jeans (which I used to feel from time to time). It was quite uncomfortable!

Then I remembered:

I don’t have a right testicle!

I don’t have any testicles!

It made me smile.