Peaceful Beach Evening: Reading, Watching, and Reflecting by the Sea

Solitude

After a pizza tea and walking the dog, I decided to go to the beach for an hour. I wanted to do my reading, but I also wanted to hear, smell, and touch the sea: I love you put my feet in the water. This time of year, the water is pleasantly warm.

The book I’ve just started is “The Control Book” by Peter Masters. A book by Dominant for other Dominants. The question is … why did this friend of mine suggest it too me? He’s a submissive, as am I. I shall just have to read the book and find out.

Between chapters, is sit and watch the sea. It was very calm, but it was high tide, and the water – the beach being pebbles – always makes the most soothing sound. The fresh smell of the wind in my nostrils blowing away cobwebs in my mind. The water was pleasant to paddle in and feel the waves gently massaging my lower legs and feet. It was utterly peaceful on a glorious summer’s evening.

There was one other person on the beach, quite a way from me. At one point, a fellow on a kayak followed another chap on a paddle board past me.

The rest of the country was watching the football.

Despite all my attempts to calm myself Sunday night, I still woke up at 4am with music playing around my brain and racing thoughts: I am anxious for my husband’s return home – I do not think that he is over this current episode and is still having intrusive thoughts too end his life.

Discharged

The husband (ex?) called just before lunch on Monday to tell me that he was home and that I didn’t need to go over to check on the dog. I’m still going to go after after work and see how he’s doing – I need to be prepared for difficult conversations – when I’m prepared I cope much better with them.

We watched TV together until 22:30, which I’ve not done for three weeks. It was a police drama, very engaging, but I could feel that I was very agitated by it. Am I aware that watching TV before bed is perhaps too simulating for me?

I was made to feel unreasonable that I wanted (needed?) to go to bed thirty-minutes before sleep to read and wind down. Since this is only one night (I’mld be back to the flat the next day) and he needed me around, I will decided to let it go, but if we were ever to come back together this is one of the things that would have to change – and there are so many of them and he has been contesting my (admittedly self) diagnosis.

Anyway, I was really tired come bedtime and I missed my quiet time before sleep – but my husband and I are in the same bed for the first time in weeks.

Back in the flat

I was awake before the alarm. I enjoyed sleeping with my husband, but I wasn’t settled when I went to bed and was easily disturbed throughout the night.

I got up shortly after the alarm and went down for coffee. The dog was very disinterested this morning, which really doesn’t make me feel special: what’s the point in having a dog that doesn’t go nuts every time you walk in the room?!

The husband came down shortly afterwards; he was still a bit groggy. He also enjoyed having me there overnight.

I went back to the flat for a hot shower and to work.

The flat feels like home.

The flat feels safe.