Assuming that I’m right about being ASD, I’m proceeding to at least attempt to put in place some of the things I can do to manage it. For example, last night after tea (which was late due to counselling), I read for an hour in the lounge, then I watched a Star Trek, and after teeth and a wee, I read in bed for thirty minutes until tired using the orange light lamp. The blackout curtains really helped as well. I slept much better, waking up once for a wee. I did wake at five-thirty with a semi (nice surprise). I couldn’t go back of because I was then waiting for the alarm. Let’s see how this routine works for me over the next few nights.
It’s 1pm and I’ve not heard from my husband, so I’m worried. My dad called, which was nice; he’d tortured to call twice during counselling last night, but I didn’t take the call (I was in counselling!); it’s nice that he thinks to phone and we wanted to ask how the husband was. He then spent fifteen minutes telling me about his childhood exploits, which I sadly had to cut short because I had a meeting.
Even so, I have felt anxious today, with my feet and legs juddering during meetings and the occasional drumming. Lunchtime I went to Asda with my boss and could feel my chest feeling like it could explode.
During the walk, he was talking about a colleague. He said that sometimes he found him a bit difficult, arrogant in his certainty in the answers he gave sometimes – “do you know what I mean?” I realised that I’d nodded before I’d even thought about it: thing is, I didn’t actually know what he meant. This colleague does talk as though he knows what’s going on, but I couldn’t say that I felt he was arrogant.
At half-two I heard from the husband, which I might have thought would ease my anxiety: it didn’t. I have a migraine coming, which feels like stress or tiredness.
I’m still vibrating (legs going). Actually, despite there being fewer people being in the office, there’s a lot of noise and the lights are too bright.
I want a nice blanket to hide under!
The afternoon passed blissfully well: I was able to code without interruption for almost the whole afternoon; it is a shame that a migraine has been building since this morning.
Note to self: as well as “don’t go shopping when you’re hungry”, add also “don’t go shopping with a migraine”. I went into The Range for a blanket and some nail clippers, and came out with a small pedal bin, two glasses, a measuring jug, a small dustpan and brush, a crepe pan, and a tub of sherbet flying saucers. Can you spot what’s missing?
It was so much easier to find the ward he was in compared to finding the intensive care ward: I didn’t get lost either being too the reward or when I left it. The husband was much more his proper self this evening. Tired, but no longer confused. We talked but not about anything heavy. We did touch a little on autism; he remains skeptical. I talked about my counsellor. He talked about the useless mental health people – he is being referred back to the useless local team. I left dead on eight: I am wiped out.
Eunuchorn 
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