I love Abigail Thorne and her view on the world; I am learning so much from her YouTube videos. The above is a quote from her PhilosophyTube “I Read The Most Misunderstood Philosopher In The World” video:

There is a modern thing in Western media for subtitling people in certain types of TV programs with their gender pronouns. Don’t get me wrong, I fully support people having their correct gender pronouns used – for most people having the wrong pronouns used is a very uncomfortable experience and communicates disrespect and invalidation. Most people would be quite upset of they were misgendered. Hell, when asked I say that my pronouns are “he/them” reflecting my semi-masculine gender identity.

Abigail’s view is that gender is a social construct and largely performative, by which she means that gender identity is irrelevant where there is nobody to witness it.

If you were the only person on the planet and you had never encountered another human, what would your gender be?

It would be irrelevant.

I’d have to darn my own socks and chop the firewood. As if the modern western human darns socks, but you take my point I hope.

Actually, traditional gender roles are often irrelevant within a same sex relationship where activities as well as emotional roles will be divided up between both partners. This divvying up of roles within a relationship has also been adopted by many straight relationships.

In my marriage, my husband tends to do most of the practical things, because he has the time, whether that’s plumbing in a new kitchen or laying a carpet. He is also the one who does most of our interior design.  I earn most of the money (shhh! We don’t mention that) and arrange most of the activities we do, as well as do most of the cooking. He is also the more emotionally competent of the two of us.

However, I have built a shed from scratch, and I have decorated rooms on my own. He bakes cakes.

We both wear male cut jeans and t shirts – and this is a thing: males and females are generally quite different shapes. Both of our gender expressions are predominately “masculine” (whatever that means). At the moment we’re living separately. I’m in a flat on my own. He is living in the house with the dog. I’d say that the gender identity expressed within the flat is much more feminine than my dress sense: pink and fluffy soft furnishings soften the otherwise dull and “masculine” furniture.

Anyway, why can’t fluffy be masculine? Why does pink mean feminine?

In earlier times, when the weather was more inclement, men and women both wore furs.

Pink has had quite a complicated relationship with gender identity, being associated with boys, girls, and nothing at all from time to time. As a more “energetic” colour, it was felt as more appropriate for boys, just as red was a colour more appropriate for men. Red on women was seen as taking on hints of masculinity, such as sexual prowess and being the leader in sex, and therefore sexually available – hence it is still often seen as a “sexy” colour. Blue is “calmer” and therefore better for the “gentler” sex. All a load of bullshit really.

So buying into all this BS about gender, I’m using pink to express my female side.

But I’m all alone in my flat and nobody is seeing my expression of my gender identity – I’m literally performing to an empty house.

Maybe gender identity is performative, but not only am I the actor, I am also the audience.

One thing is certain, if I am on my own, then nobody is going to use my pronouns anyway.