Last night
We slept together. I was too hot, thanks to anxiety about leaving him and consequent hot flushes, but I was glad he came in. We’d both dosed up on our relative relaxants and sleep aids.
This morning
Was gentle. We sat in the garden drinking our coffee. I had breakfast. His anxiety about being left was obvious: he was vibrating a little.
After my shower, I packed the last few things. We hugged, told each other that we one another and that this was a beginning.
He thanked me for the reassurance. I was glad of his reassurance also.
As I turned to go I could feel the tears coming, but they stopped as I closed the front door and focused on the upcoming drive to Bristol to see my dad.
Meeting my dad’s friends
I took dad around to the local pub, where a couple of hours friends were going to meet us. This is quite a big thing: he’s never introduced me to any of his friends before, although he does talk about them quite a bit, especially one particular lady. There’s nothing romantic in their relationship (she has a partner), but they have become fast friends.
They were very friendly and welcoming; obviously they know I’m gay: the rainbow bracelets declare that! I expect dad has told them. Of course, they don’t know I’m a eunuch: dad doesn’t know yet and i doubt that he’d tell them anyway.
That I think it unlikely that he would tell anybody even if he knows maybe tells me something of what I think of my own father – and of people in general.
They all drink regularly and heavily. And like all drinkers, when faced with somebody who isn’t drinking, they started saying how much they drank and how much worse some of their other friends were!
One of them like collecting things. Expensive Lego sets, computer games he never played, bobble head figures. He seemed to enjoy telling me about them – and how much each of them was worth!
I didn’t get to say much about me – getting a word in sometimes was difficult, although we did have a bit of a talk about AI, since I do a lot of work with it: as a programmer, if I don’t keep up to date, I rapidly become obsolete. They were rather scared of it.
My dad calls my by my birth name; I’ve never corrected him because it’s important to him and I fully mind as long as he (and my brother) are the only ones. It did confuse me when he introduced me. I don’t like my old name. It’s not quite “dead naming”, but it was uncomfortable.
I had one worry about my dad. The drink affected him much more quickly than it did his friends, and at one point he went quite pale. Sometimes, his blood sugar drops and he can be at risk of passing out. At nearly eighty years old, to pass out is getting increasingly risky. He is also finding it getting harder to even walk short distances; he asked me to drive us to the local pub, which is less than ten minutes walk from his house.
I enjoyed seeing them and it was lovely of my dad to share his friends and a bit of his world with me. Do I dare share any of mine?
In the flat
The flat is quiet. There is a TV, but the remote doesn’t work. The internet is getting switched on tomorrow.
I feel strange being here. I might feel lonely. I might get to like the quiet.
It is certainly a place for me to recover.
I’m going to have a bath shortly and relax.
Eunuchorn 
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