Proper mood drop and rainbows

I went to bed not feeling great – neither physically nor emotionally. Physically I suppose I should expect after taking the sleepers. Perhaps these over the counter types are stronger and more dangerous than I thought. But I thought there might be some danger to it, otherwise why take them?

Emotionally my low mood persists. My husband has suggested that I go for a run. I think that makes sense; I’ve been avoiding running because of calf injury, so maybe a short (sub 5k) run might help. Certainly I usually feel better after a run.

My husband has been making up the back bedroom as a permanent retreat, should being with me be too much. When it had a double bed in there it felt very crowded, but with the single bed he has managed to fit in a small sofa and a table for a TV – if that were a hotel room, I would be very happy to spend the night in it. I hope that he never has one of episodes again because he would probably wreck it and it wouldn’t then be a nice space for him.

He’s going to fit a TV aerial; he was talking of going up on the roof to fit it. We haven’t a ladder long enough so he was talking of roping two together, which filled me with horror! I suggested that he take a cable from the main house aerial down the chimney in that room. He is going to try that first.

Yesterday I suddenly became aware that the tone of my inner head changed. My inner voice is the narrative of my life, my inner advisor, and my cheerleader. I don’t think it could be described as my conscience because it didn’t always tell me what I’ve done wrong, sometimes I can be sucked into my inner voice and I disappear from the world – giving the appearance that I have shut down – which I suppose I have.

I became aware that this inter vice was no longer offering encouragement – it was offering the opposite: “you’re not worth anything”, “you deserve to feel like this”, and such like.

It’s really hard to get going today.

I was glad that my husband asked me to help him wire in the aerial for his TV. He did it the way I suggested, through the chimney; it felt really nice to work together on it.

I’ve finally managed to get my arse in gear to walk into town for the People’s Pride.

Southampton is blessed with two Prides. The original one moved from June to August during COVID, and then the People’s Pride snuck into that slot in the calendar. The People’s Pride is more of a charity and had much less corporate sponsorship, the main Pride event can feel more like a careers festival than anything else.

There are plenty of small traders stalls, which I enjoy. I particularly liked the coffee guy, who made me a fabulous hot chocolate with everything on it.

The mushroom guy has a collection of Pride themed bits and pieces all using mushrooms as the common thread. Rather cute, I thought. I bought a couple of badges and a non-binary pride bracelet – so far the biggest piece of non-binary regalia that I have.

The music was enthusiastic, but I’ll say no more than that. It takes courage or a complete lack of awareness to get up on stage and make the story of noises those two drag queens were pleased to call singing.

I was glad to get out for an hour or so, but hot chocolate and churros didn’t up my mood.

I had a nap when I got home … which seemed to lift my mood a little.