Things are weird and awkward and painful at home, but we are still talking. We are in a very strange place. Neither of us really want this to be the end, however I do not know whether my darkness is gone for good, or whether hormones might rehydrate it. Hi husband has stated that he is only interested in monogamy. I don’t want to burden him with my kinky stuff if he’s just not into that. Right now I’m not that into it either (please, somebody, tie me up). I mean the proper dark stuff has gone, is in hiding.

That we still love each other. We have agreed to keep talking. I will go and stay in a hotel for a few nights. That my husband will find a flat for six months. That I will make what repairs are necessary to the house to make it ready to stop. That it remains both our home.

We have mentioned couples counseling. He also suggested that rather than go find me a Dom, that perhaps I find myself a therapist able to keep me explore these kinks without me actually doing them. Less fun, but since that’s something I can do without destroying my marriage [any more than it is already] I am more than willing to give it a go.

I have come to a local cafe on my own, where I am attempting to eat a piece of chocolate cake that is bigger than head. I’m now going to look for a hotel for a few nights!