A New Hope

Yesterday, my husband and I talked. That makes it seven days in a row of talking and (sometimes) crying. It’s emotional, and I am glad that I have these emotions to guide me as their visible maelstrom communicates my inner thoughts better than words alone – as they play across my face and lighten and dull my eyes, I can be nothing but honest with myself and by extension with my husband.

My husband has asked me not to post what we agreed on my blog. That’s a boundary that I will respect – this blog was never intended to be a documentary on the highs and lows of my marriage! It was intended to document my evolution as a human.

However, I will say that one of the things discussed was my need to investigate my kinky side – my dark side.

My husband said that perhaps I should get onto Grindr and look for a top to hook-up with. I said that didn’t feel quite right: I need somebody to help me explore those darker imaginings, to which he said “so, a friend with benefits?”, which also didn’t feel right.

I said that I felt that I needed a Dom to lead me on this journey.

So it is that I start the quest for a Dom type!

System Test

It was only two days ago that I last tried things out; which, while nice, wasn’t that special, being as it was a dry orgasm.

I expected that two days wouldn’t be enough time for the system to reset. Unlike the wank of a couple of nights ago, this time I produced eunuch goo! Not in copious quantities, but it was enough to make me question my assumptions of how my orgasms work: I had always assumed that the more often I came, the less sexual urge I would have. I am wondering whether what I have discovered is that the more I use my tool, the stronger it gets. And I don’t have a sex drive to speak of (meaning that I don’t get horny), but my brain is nevertheless still a sexual organ.

A Quiet Day

I spent the morning in the sun reading “Tess of the D’Urbervilles” and thoroughly enjoying the lyrical prose; I am loving the sympathetic way Hardy treats his heroine – although I am rather warming to Angel Clare (if there was ever was an androgynous have it is that one! Angel is the son of a parson), who is coming across so far as a deeply thoughtful, considerate, and rebellious fellow.

After lunch, we went to Costa for a coffee, where I stared into my husband’s eyes and felt a deep love for this wonderful man.

I’m now off to update my Fetlife profile…