Nervous newbie

Tonight I’m visiting the local trans group The Mayflower Society; I don’t know how welcome I’m going to be although I’m sure that they’ll be nice: the question is will I fit? What will they think when I say I’m a eunuch? Will they recognise it if I say that I’m third-gender? Will they think I’m a crank or that I am crazy? Am I just paranoid and projecting the reaction I feel I’m getting from the NHS onto others now?

What do I hope to get from this group? Maybe they’ll have some idea of how to navigate the NHS. Maybe they’ll have an idea of how to get hormones.

I’m here early. Heart beating hard and fast like I have sprinted all the way here.

The meeting is at the London Hotel, in the centre of town; the same place where we go to Cherry’s Quiz on a Thursday.

---

I got there at 7pm and was directed to a table reserved for the group. Thirty minutes later somebody else joined me; another newbie. Only out to her girlfriend six months. Much like me in that respect. We chatted. She was clearly a she, but I felt I needed to … explain (?) … what I was doing there. “Wow! That’s so cool!” She said when I told her that I was a eunuch. I didn’t expect to be described as cool!

At 8pm the regulars began to arrive. Most of them were ladies in their late sixties or early seventies. A couple of them were shy, but there were those who were as chatty as you like.

Several of them were involved in computers – hardcore low level stuff! While they were taking I learnt that the person who designed the ARM Processor was a British trans woman called Sophie Wilson. The conversation felt like a history of early computing with all the references to punch cards and tapes.

Most of the conversation was about just being people and life problems. There was some discussions about pronouns and employment rights – specifically what employers could legally ask for as regards medical records (ie nothing). They certainly don’t have any rights to know whether a person is trans or what their status is.

During the discussion about pronouns, somebody talked about a non-binary person who used the pronouns he/them. I rather liked that combination as it better expresses my semi-masc identity. I shall use them going forward. I won’t have a meltdown if I get referred to as him instead of them, but I will put my preferred pronouns into the appropriate places.

It also led to me thinking about my name. I like James, however I also like the form Jay. I often sign texts and emails just J. Jay had extra significance: Jays are corvids, like magpies (which were my Nan’s favourite bird). Jay is also gender neutral, which better reflects how I feel about myself: almost gender neutral.

They were alarmed that I had no hormones, although calmed that it had only been thtee months, then worried that I had a six month wait until my endocrinology appointment: that long could start to see some more drastic health problems emerge.

I was warned that progesterone doesn’t usually cause the development of secondary sex characteristics, but can do sometimes (one of them had personal experience of it).

Of real significance was the discovery that doctors should write a “bridging prescription” to help deal with the gulf between the identification of an endocrine problem and the actual appointment with either endocrinology or the Gender Identity Clinic (which doesn’t apply to me because they’ve already rejected me). I need to really research that and find the appropriate document references to send to the doctor.

There was a suggestion that I investigate Gender Care; this is a private gender clinic which employs a number of NHS endocrinology consultants. The theory goes that this could lead into shared care or a transferral into full NHS care, when they eventually get round to it.

Dysphoria came up a few times. I was surprised that not every trans person feels dysphoric over their genitalia. Some come to an accommodation in their lives where they accept that a significant relationship is more important than their bodily configuration. For others, the physical dysphoria was too much and had to be addressed. Female sex hormones were discussed as a way to test M2F trans; a M2F trans will feel less dysphoric on female sex hormones, whereas an incorrect trans diagnosis would feel more dysphoric. It doesn’t work so well for F2M since testosterone can be quite unsettling if a large dose is suddenly administered.

I realised that I actually feel emotionally very good without hormones. I am aware that the flushes, which were interrupting my sleep, have greatly diminished in strength and as a result I’m feeling a bit less fatigued. Fatigue isn’t dysphoria though. And neither is reduced muscle mass. I am concerned about the health risks of having such a low hormone level and that is what needs addressing. And I have to be able to orgasm! Both for myself and the sake of my marriage!

Socialization is an important aspect of coming to terms with one’s gender identity, and one often overlooked by “official” support services.

I also asked about partners of trans people and support for them. The conversation wandered all over the place and I didn’t really get an answer, however a couple of the women have wives, who would have experienced many of the same problems with needing to be flexible in their sexuality as my husband. I asked whether hubby would be welcome at the group, he would be.

There are also a number of other meet ups in the region; I will be sent some information about them by one of the attendees.

I felt really relaxed and happy in the group and I think I’ll probably go again.