Yesterday

Yesterday morning I woke up with wood after a decent night sleep. That’s my first hard spontaneous erection in goodness knows how long. I lay there for a bit; I didn’t really want to get up; I did a little hypnotism.

Dad called to wish me happy birthday and to apologize for forgetting to post the card. If he’d forgotten the first birthday after mum had died, I would have been upset, but this is just who he is and I don’t mind.

I sat for a while in the garden listening to the birds, then trimming my beard, and then practiced a little Spanish; my husband asked “would you like to open your presence now?” I get as excited as a child at Christmas!

The presents were all wrapped in the colours of the non-binary flag; how did I end up with such a kind sensitive thoughtful man? It was quite a pile there were maybe two dozen parcels of various sizes.

Of particular note were two pairs of Aussie bums that didn’t have a pouch for my balls! Still sexy without a bulge. There was, of course, chocolate, and a cap with “vintage 1974” on, a Star Wars t-shirt, he also got me a ride in a helicopter (I’ve never been in a helicopter), and a crystal as a clue to the main event: a visit to the Crystal Maze in London!

I put some photos up on Facebook of the day, including one of the pile presents. My commented on the photo that the presents were wrapped in the colours of the non-binary flag; this is the first time I’ve used that word in the public space – I wonder whether anybody will notice?

We went to the Lymington street market for lunch, where we had pork pies and sausage rolls and samosas. There were very delicious looking cakes though and we were very good we didn’t buy or eat any of them.

After our walk in Lymington we went to Milford beach where we lay in the sun with all afternoon and I went to the sea couple of times. The sound of the sea on the pebbles is very relaxing I could feel the rumblings in my core as the waves rolled onto the beach subterranean growl through my ear when I pressed it to the pebbles on the beach. I am a little bit pink where I’ve caught the sun.

In the evening we had a picky-tea of bits from various European countries while we watched the Eurovision. I wanted Spain to win. It was a good show, shame our lad didn’t do so well – I think they sacrificed the performance to the production, which left him unable to sing his best. I love Petra Mede, she is so funny – I hope Sweden win again so that she’ll get to host! I bought us a bottle of wine; we don’t often drink, so this was a thing – husband didn’t drink very much, so I drank his. I guess I might be paying for that in the morning!

---

Sunday

I lay in late again. No hangover to speak of, although I don’t reckon I’d be safe to drive today!

My husband asked me to sweep the lounge because of the dog hairs (“she’s your dog”). I’m aware of myself enough now to realise that I like him telling me what to do. I can just indulge in the secret corner of my mind that Daddy is telling me what to do – don’t tell my husband that’s what I think though! Hmm. Although that does go against my authentic and honest self … I think I’ll allow myself that one little exception. It got the lounge swept anyway!

Then we sat in the garden chatting about things. Deep things. Emotional things. I’m not afraid of these talks anymore – fear is a prison that I chose to live in. All the time I was playing absent mindedly with pegs while we talked, before I realised it I had a whole row of them doing my cock!

After getting back from a coffee, we went to bed. I tickled my husband for ages to get him going; I don’t think he wanted to really. He was irritable to start with saying that he was too ticklish and I kept touching his sensitive areas (that aren’t his genitals). After a while he got going and started to respond. He actually sent me insane with some of what he did – my scrotal void remains enormousky sensitive. However, he was getting hot and there was no sign of the orgasm that I’d been saving for him, so he gave me a kiss and left. I felt pretty shitty after that really. I did cum. Maybe something the size of a pea: it truly wasn’t worth it. I’d rather not try to cum with him again until my hormones are sorted.

I think that next week I must try to speak to a doctor about trying progesterone I’ve been told by a doctor friend of mine that it should stop the menopause symptoms and shouldn’t cause female secondary sex characteristics (eg boobs). I miss having sex with my husband and I think that I’ve ruined it.

I’m feeling low now. I’ve been looking for T Gel online. I thought I’d found somewhere, but TrustPilot gave them a poor score and many people were writing that out was a scam. I am not certain that I can get progesterone either; I might as well ask my doctor about it.