Facing another uncomfortable feeling

Sleeping on top of the duvet under the blanket helped me get a decent night’s sleep last night. Although I did wake in the middle of the night to have a wee and then couldn’t get back off as I mulled over what my husband and I had talked about that evening…

Over the long years my husband and I have been together, he’s asked a number of times for separate beds. Often he sleeps very poorly and needs to fidget to get comfortable and get to sleep, which he doesn’t feel that he can do while I’m in the bed. Sometimes, he’ll get up and sleep on the sofa (which isn’t too uncomfortable). Sleep for anybody is important, however too many of nights sleep for my husband can precipitate a bipolar episode, so helping him get a good night’s sleep is crucial.

We used to have the back bedroom made up ready in case he needed somewhere to go. It kind of got destroyed during his many periods of illness. I have always opposed having separate beds; I’d say things like “the couple that sleep together stay together” because I was afraid that if we didn’t sleep together that we might really drift apart and eventually split. I also just love sleeping in a bed with him. So I poo-pooed his suggestion and didn’t give it any consideration as to how he felt. I think I was more than a little selfish here.

Last week, he mentioned it again, although quietly as if under his breath. Keeping with my resolution not to run from uncomfortable feelings, I asked him about it last night.

It is something he would like; he believes that it would help him to sleep. I don’t know how we’ll fit two single beds into our bedroom because the double fills the existing space and there’s not really anywhere else the wardrobes could go. Oh, and there’s an electric piano in there. However, logistics aside…

I suggested that we get two single beds and trial it for a few months. The double bed we’d dismantle and keep for a while. If either of us would prefer the single beds, then we keep the single beds and not go back to the double: in other words we both have to agree to go back to the double.

I feel really sad about this, but I have to give it a go. Its not the end of the world, but it weighed on me heavily last night, but I did get off to sleep again.

Eventually, I woke up and decided to lie in a little to make up for the restless period. I couldn’t cycle in today because its due to rain and the bike is being kept in the house.

I lay there and put on a hypnosis track; I had intended to put on only one, but it rolled into a second and I couldn’t get out until the hypnotist clicked his fingers to wake me!

Today I am feeling fairly energetic and upbeat! It has been a good day.