Starting Out Feeling Low Today.

My husband and I talked last night. I was tired, with a mind like treacle, but I opened the conversation because I felt we needed to talk, but also because one of my husband’s long standing complaints (and it is true) was that I never started conversations. I start them all the time now.

I expected that we’d talk about how he felt about using Grindr, or the way he felt in the quiz, which we did get to at some point (he hates being so old and hates that its only now that he’s “allowed” to do it, and he hates the reasons why he’s doing it). He said that he was fed up of explaining things to me; that it wasn’t his job to help me understand how he felt and why. I don’t know how else I’m going to find out how he’s feeling and why unless I ask him. It didn’t feel like a good conversation, but I stuck with it. It just left me feeling rubbish.

I did get eight hours sleep last night. I don’t really want to get up (I’ve been lying here for an hour), but if I don’t get fluids in me I will end up with a migraine.

I got up and sat in the garden drinking my coffee and eating my breakfast. Then I went into the house for a second coffee.

I can’t always tell when an atmosphere is just me or whether it’s originating from outside me, or both. I feel very tense and my head starts aching when I am sat next to my husband. He’s not looked up from his phone or answered in much more than a monosyllable since I came down from the bedroom.

I am feeling low. I really want to get out of the house. On days like this, the grocery shop has an unusually strong attraction.

I said that I felt there was an atmosphere to my husband, but that I didn’t know what it was or whether it was just me. He said that he felt it as well, but it wasn’t strong. He identified it as a sense of separation between us, which is how it feels to me. At least I identified and owned the feeling – part of that not running from discomfort work I’m doing on myself.

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Go Fur A Walk To Improve Mood

I needed to get out of the house. I asked whether my husband would like to go out somewhere, but he really wasn’t keen and the day was getting on.

He did ask whether I wanted to talk about last night. I said that my mood had somewhat dropped and that I didn’t know what to say. I recalled that he had commented that he was fed up of explaining himself and it wasn’t his job to help me to understand him, which left me feeling just what the fuck I was supposed to do. “That sounds like self pity”.

I had suggested that we walk into town and take the dog to the doggy playpen. He didn’t want to, but suggested that I go on my own as we could “probably do with some space anyway”.

I took the dog, put on some headphones (because I didn’t want to actually talk to anybody) and set off. We only live about forty or fifty minutes from the city centre.

Just as we were arriving at the park, lo! What did I see?

Well I never! Southampton seems to have a furry pride! I wonder if they’d welcome love lost puppy?

Not this sort of puppy though, although maybe we could go together?

I’m wondering, a lot of my online friends have fursonas, how can I go about creating my own and really engaging in that eccentric yet very warm community? I sense some investigation coming on!