Check in

A good night’s sleep with no noticeable flushes, although it was helped by a couple of over the counter sleepers.

Saturdays are head shaving day; I don’t like being bald, but I think I look better shaved than with a comb-over! The highlight? Shaving my scrotal void! I love the vibrations of my razor as it passes over the hairs and the sensitive, smooth feeling afterwards! It’s how I was meant to be!

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We’re slightly open

I asked my husband about a guy that he’d been chatting to online and had met up with recently. I was interested and wanted to know how things were going. Seems that he didn’t warm to the guy when they met in person, he wasn’t sexually attracted to him and neither did he find him somebody to whom he could talk. I don’t think he’ll be seeing him again.

I was surprised to find that I felt sad; mostly because my husband finds it difficult making friends. This guy seemed to be emotionally unavailable and he’s had enough of such people. Fair enough. One of them was me (I hope I can use past tense here!).

My husband then went on to tell me that he’d been having some “saucy” chats, which he found exciting. He even said that he’d shared a few pictures, never of his face though – he’s too conscious of his age, sadly. I shared his excitement, but also expressed some sadness that he didn’t feel comfortable sharing this face. That is going to make hooking up difficult.

He also shared that he felt that his childhood had been robbed from him by his parents and his adulthood had also been robbed from him, firstly by his ex-wife, then his first boyfriend, and finally also by me. I understand. It is different, but I too feel that I have lost so much time in being afraid to be myself.

I also told my husband that my orgasms are getting harder to reach and that the last one I had was dry. I felt some shame/embarrassment at telling him this. He rather unsympathetically said “well, you knew that was a risk”, to which I replied that I hadn’t expected it to be so difficult to obtain testosterone. He also said that getting castrated was a decision that I’d taken without asking his feelings on it (I mean, he did tell me how he felt, but it made no difference, I wouldn’t hear what he said). The real kicker was when he asked “how is a dry orgasm going to be any fun for me?”, I just felt more rubbish after he said that. I told him that I missed sex, and I especially missed the physical intimacy. At least he feels the same about missing sex and physical intimacy: with it being so hard for me to come to orgasm and my sex drive being off-line at the moment, sex really does need more planning than ever. A complaint of hubby’s is that sex was always on my terms and now that is even more the case. Note the uncomfortable feeling about this here! God, I really want a proper fuck and a cuddle!

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I Like To Ride My Bicycle!

I bought this bike through the Cycle to Work scheme. The previous time I’d used a scheme like this, it had taken two months before I could get my new bike; this scheme allowed me to collect the bike less than a week later.

I walked to the bike shop (99 Bikes in Totton); it took and hour to walk there. I am fine with walking, I like it, but when I got there and realised that I’d forwarded myself the wrong email from work, so I caught the bus home, sent the correct one from my laptop, and caught the bus back to the bike store. I could have kicked myself.

After some adjustments, I popped my helmet on sand started cycling home. I was wearing cycling shorts underneath my outer shorts since I knew already that things are way too sensitive down there. This is going to take a bit of getting used to. Not the bike per se, but cycling without testicles! As suggested from my spinning earlier in the week, cycling detesticulated feels very different from cycling testiculated! I don’t really know why that is, unless its is simply that balls are used to being in contact with a saddled whereas the scrotal void really isn’t – it is a very sensitive area!

My daily commute is about 8km (5miles) and there’s a long hill on the way there and a steep hill on the way back. I don’t know whether I am fit enough for either yet. It used to take me about half-an-hour of a morning, so next week I’ll cycle to work on Wednesday (Tuesday is a games night, and I don’t want to cycle home in the dark). Usually, Sunday is my “long” run day; I think that tomorrow I will go for a practice cycle to build up a little – both to get my legs used to it and my sensitive under-area!