My Last Counselling Session

To Much Like Hard Work?

Last night’s system test was hard work. I was tired and had a headache. It took ages, and whilst it felt good, I’d rather have just gone to sleep! However, without an external testosterone supply, it’s a case of loose or or use it.

I spoke to my husband about the “systems test” last night. He did ask was that a “use or lose it wank?” And I said that it was, but I still enjoy wanking and cumming and sex – I just don’t get that build up of sexual energy that demands release, which is the problem: I could forget about sex altogether if I didn’t work at it!

Last night’s flushes were the worst ever. I woke up in the middle of the night with sweat running off my face and body. In the morning, I’d planned to go to the gym, but I was so tired and my head hurt so much. I need to eat less and better: my thin layer of custard around my middle that has always obscured my abs, is becoming a thick layer of blancmange.

Ending Counselling

Today was my last counselling session; we’ve covered a lot of ground, although I didn’t always cover what I’d planned to cover: is planned to take about my castration urges and my Dark Fantasies, instead we ended up spending a lot of time talking about my marriage.

I learned a bit about him that surprised me: I learned that he was kinky and was sexually adventurous, which was why he understood much of where I was coming from. I also learnt that he’s straight anf not gay, which was more of a surprise than anything. He said that people often thought he was gay!

He admitted that when we first met and the subject matter of castration came up he felt a degree of “mirror sensation” in his own testicles which was absolutely in accord with what I thought I saw with him crossing his legs so often to begin with!

I said my only regret with this whole castration proces was the way I handled the “coming out” with my husband, and that I wished that it could have gone differently, so that I could have taken him with me on the entire journey. I remembered saying that I hoped that this process would give me opportunities to be physically and emotionally vulnerable with my husband and to allow myself to depend on him. It was not to be.

It allowed me to accept that I actually enjoy being vulnerable, and that part of my kinky side is about exploring and experiencing vulnerability.

We said we enjoyed talking to each other I got a little teary. He is a lovely guy.