Sometime after 1am, I awake. I don’t know why I’m awake, so I get up and see whether I need a wee, even though I don’t really feel like I do. Sure enough, only a little wee is produced. I return back to bed and snuggle up, however the air feels too warm to breathe, then my body feels too warm and I throw off the duvet. My body is hot too the touch. Where skin is exposed to the air, it begins to feel cold, so I go under the covers, but that’s too warm, so I throw off the bed clothes, but that’s too cold. The air I’m breathing feels too warm. I feel like I’m running a temperature; sometimes I’ll actually break out into sweats. My breathing feels a little like I’m having a mild panic attack.
The episode passed after what seemed like an hour, only to start to again after a short sleep. The last episode I did wake up in a sweat.
I wonder why these things always feel so much worse at night?
This goes on so night, flush then doze.
The alarm finally goes off at 6am and I give up and get up and go to the gym. I am not looking forward to today: I have meetings all day and I am going to be tired.
On the plus side, I woke up with a semi. You really appreciate these things when you can no longer take them for granted. Another plus of being castrated: no longer get piss erections! That makes the midnight pee so much easier!
The gym was tough. Still only elliptal trainer, but I did up the intensity. It was a little harder to walk to my stretches afterwards! I am deepening the stretches now that I have more confidence that I’m not going to split open!
One of the personal trainers at the gym was wearing a rainbow hat. I don’t know whether it’s because he’s gay, or an ally, or just liked the colours (it was the six colours of Pride), but I appreciated it and says that I liked his hat.
Despite the poor night’s sleep I was buzzing today at the office and more than a little hyperactive, which was fun because I tend to be even less filtered when I’m hyper! The odd double entendre would slip out and cause a giggle for anyone awake enough or with a dirty enough mind to spot it.
After lunch with the team, I had a rather drastic energy crash. I had to take caffeine and sugar to get to the end of the day. Much less fun. I need a nap!
A girl in one of the online communities I’m an active member of had created a blog of her own journey to castration; there’s lots that I can relate to, and some things I’ve not thought much about: for me fertility was no longer a concern, ten years ago it might have been. Take a look and give her your support if you can: http://castrated.aifoxhi.de/blog/2024/03/25/what-are-my-reasons-to-be-castrated-and-how-these-reasons-caused-me-to-do-this
Eunuchorn 
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