I’m not exercising much, last week just two days at the gym, this week I am planning on three days. I used to do four or five days, cycling to work (before winter came and made it too dangerous and then my bike was stolen anyway), and if run a couple of times a week with a long run on Sunday mornings. I’m eating more that previously as well … so I am starting to put on a little weight.

I think I’d better start eating more sensibly …. tomorrow.

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I’m at my brother’s house today playing with my nephew’s. I’m really feeling a bit drained right now! Toddlers are hard work! I have to keep reminding myself (and forgetting) not to pick them up and throw them around!

My brother and I had a chat about what I’ve been up to, nothing too detailed, but just a brief runthorough of my time in Mexico and the weeks after. He asked whether I felt happy with everything, aside from feeling tired and the headaches, everything does feel good. I feel right in myself, but it had only been five weeks tomorrow!

This is the first time I’ve seen him since the operation … there’s something significant to this first time thing that I think about after various events and encounters, as though I have passed through a door and an on the other side. I sense some thinking coming on!

I was aware of feeling “other” around him. I’m not sure that that means either, but maybe it’s related to what my husband has been saying that “we’re not the same any more”, by which he means we’re not yet gay men any more. I’m not sure that matters (at least not to me, it matters to him), however we are separated by a major experience and I’m aware that up until now we have in some way been through every life experience together.

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I had planned to change the silicon strip that protects the stitches tonight and sleep with the scar open to the air, but I plan to go to the gym tomorrow morning and I don’t want to go there without the protection of the silicon strip, so I’ll take it off it tomorrow night and put in a new strip in Tuesday.