The knots on my stitches are uncomfortable and irritating, so I had a chat with a friend about them. He said that he softened the stitches in the bath; we don’t have a bath, so that’s no help. He’d stopped wearing dressings about the same time in his recovery as I had. He also said that he cut the knots off after about for our five weeks and slowly picked the stitches out when the skin had joined. So I have just cut the knots off: tomorrow I’ll find out if that makes sitting any more comfortable!
And then my enquiry to Dr Rebolloso is replied to: “wait until the sixth week to remove any knot, you can use some Neosporin in irritated area”. Great. If I’d waited another 90 minutes I could have followed his instructions! Now I’m nervous that I’ve done something wrong. He also suggested that I get some silicon strips to help protect and reduce discomfort. I was about to order some silicon strips as Dr Rebolloso recommended, when my husband says that he had something similar for his self-harm burns. I’ll put that on after my shower tomorrow.
I had a good night’s sleep. Had a proper hard boner in the night, but again woke with a headache. I am working my way through my migraine tablets: if the doctor won’t expedite my endocrinology referral, she’d better bloody just approve more prescription requests for my migraine tablets!
After my shower, I inspected my scar. I wish I’d done so properly last night. Where the knots were the stitches the scar looks wider and it looks like it had been weeping. I don’t know whether removing the knots has caused that, or whether the area beneath the knots was already very sore and weeping. I have used my husband’s silicon wound strips to protect the scar and keep me comfortable.
Now I am stressed that anything I do might split my stitches.
On the plus side, it seems that the little blind boils have gone.
Note at the end of the work day: I am not sore from sitting! Hurrah! Removing the knots helped … just as long as my stitches don’t come adrift and innards don’t fall out through the hole, I am OK!
The areas where the knots were appears to have some kind of white discharge. I don’t know what that’s about, but it’s not sore or warm (I’m assuming warm would indicate infection). I’d like to ask my husband about it, but I’m afraid it might upset him.
I did have a lovely dream of my mum last night; she was the understudy to the role of Mamma Rose in the musical Gypsy (a favourite of mine) and had to go on. For reasons that only make sense in the dreamworld, I went on with her. She did the most amazing performance of “Rose’s Turn” where she trembled profusely with the emotion of the role as she belted out the tune. The dream was very kind to her, because my mum’s singing voice was sweet, but very soft. Afterwards I hugged her and cried and told her that I was so proud of her; she cried too. I miss my mum so much.
My boss and I had a real laugh out loud moment this morning. We were discussing the work priorities for me and I commented, without thinking, “I have a number of balls in the air at the moment and I don’t know which one to start with.”, too which he said “was that a private joke?” I then realised, given my status, the potential double meaning and I cracked up! We both had a good laugh about it! I actually love laughing about my castration and having a bit of gentle fun about it.
The doctor still hasn’t done my endocrinology referral: I am going to request a face to face with her on Monday and sit with her while she does it!
Finally, this week my husband and I have for lots of talking. I have a lot of making you to do after years of deflecting my own feelings of inadequacy and shame onto him. I think tomorrow I may talk to him about the time after I got back from Mexico.
Eunuchorn 
Leave a comment