I really struggled to sleep last night; I just could not get my temperature right and kept waking up to take the duvet off or put it back on again, then I would go back to sleep again briefly. I just could not settle. Eventually, I woke up with splitting headache … but also with a lovely erection – a proper one which was nice!

Whilst the scar itself isn’t sore any more and is quite nice to touch (aside from that tiny blind boil), the knots in the stitches, of which there are three, are uncomfortable; particularly the one at the very bottom nearest my butt-hole: I believe that it is this one that makes me feel sore at the end of each day from all the sitting on it.

Maybe I should try a corn plaster? I used to wear corn plasters on my nipples when I was doing the longer runs so that my sweaty wet T shirt didn’t rub my nipples and make them bleed. That has happened to me, but not for a long time: I don’t actually have very pronounced nipples. I do have a vivid image of a guy at the Bristol half marathon coming in; he was a larger guy and the run was clearly a massive undertaking to him. He was bleeding quite a lot from his nipples! I remember feeling totally awestruck by the sheer magnitude of his effort and achievement. For me, the guys and dolls I most admire aren’t they ones that come in first, but the ones who come in last – I am really moved because their struggle was so visceral.

A little quilted toilet roll between the bottom knot of the stitches and my underwear seemed to help.

Come the end of the day I’m feeling a bit yucky. Kind of tired and a little strange in my tummy. Just out of sorts. I think an early night is definitely on the cards.

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I’ve been having a long running conversation with a guy on Reddit. He had a horrendous time of it with his boyfriend, which resulted in him effectively being forcibly castrated (there is more to this story, but it’s not my story to tell). He has tried for months to dissuade me from castration. I suppose he is coming from a good place and wants to stop guys making, what he regards as, a terrible decision that ruins their life. In some ways, his goals and mine are actually not that different: I want guys to make truly informed decisions about their body and to know that this isn’t a trivial undertaking, and if castration is still required to do it safely. The trouble is he doesn’t believe that it’s even happened, which makes conversation difficult. There are others on Reddit who have different stories, but their messages read exactly the same … and they try to converse with me all at the same time, which leaves me wondering whether these are actually the same person?

Most of the guys (and dolls) I interact with on Reddit and Discord (and even on this blog) are either wannabes (no disrespect intended) or happily transitioned nullos, eunuchs, or bivalves. In some ways, I am in a positive-viewed world and don’t hear from guys for whom castration has not made them happy. Such people do exist and they need representation too: they have something to say that needs to be heard.

One of these people asked for photo of video evidence. I’m not putting pictures of my genitals out there with random dudes to spread around the internet. I’m afraid I called him a perv, which isn’t really fair, since I have benefitted from othersl guys sharing their photos to reassure me that everything was going to be ok. I think it’s the idea that I have to prove myself to people that I object to. Possibly that’s what the “block” function on Reddit could be used for.