Two boners last night! Proper ones at that! The second one was when I was spooning the husband; it kept tapping him on the back. Sadly, he didn’t wake or feel it.

I think the scar is much less sore and the only place where there is soreness are the blind boils on my shaft. These are small as well as being particularly sore to the touch. I did the usual wound spray, lavender oil, and antiseptic that I have been doing these last few days. I don’t really know whether the antiseptic is doing anything, since it’s for external use and these bloody boils are feeling deeper.

I’m wearing the big girl compression pants again just so that that the oil and antiseptic don’t stain my joggers. Yep! Today I’m wearing the nice soft jogging bottoms.

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After lunch, I continued telling my husband about the time in Mexico. He finds it difficult to hear, which is in direct contrast to how excited and happy I am recounting it. I started from just after the operation (which is where I left off last weekend) and was able to go all the way until I came back home. He began to get an idea of just how worried I was about him, and also to fill in some of the gaps in his memory. I feel a sense of ease having share that part of the story with him – the next part, the weeks after I came home, will be much harder for me: that was far from a joyful time and full of anxiety and fear. Maybe that’s one for next weekend.

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I’ve been thinking more about marriage today, after chatting with a friend on Reddit. I observed that my Dark Fantasies all seemed to die after I came out as needing to have my balls removed, this friend noted that it’s interesting how we change as people and grow away from what we were when we were younger, I commented:

That’s what makes humans so interesting – that throughout our lives we change and grow. To resist that is to deny our humanity. In some ways, that is the ultimate problem with marriage: that it presupposes that neither party will change.

Maybe the most successfully marriages are the ones where both parties embrace their own and their partner’s changes?

Accepting one’s own changes is another challenge! Maybe even harder since it’s so much harder to see ourselves.

Men marry women with the hope they will never change. Women marry men with the hope they will change. Invariably they are both disappointed.

H M Harwood & R Gore-Brown “Cynara” (not Albert Einstein as usually attributed)

I can apply that quote to my parent’s marriage, but not to my own. I wonder what other gay partnerships that endure the years experience around the changes in the members of the relationship. Whether one partner stays static and the other changes., I don’t expect that both remain static (though some might), or both change over time, maybe in different directions. My husband and I both fear that we have grown apart too much to reconcile; I hope that we can celebrate our differences.