I posted a request for help for my husband in the r/mypartneristrans sub Reddit genuinely seeking advice on how to help and support him deal with my operation and everything that it entails.

I had not expected to be called a troll and accused of posting the question as a joke. There’s a lot of hate that can be found on Reddit; I’d not thought I’d find it in a support group. I have, on occasion, posted supportive and understanding comments to the partners of trans people, I wonder why I don’t deserve the same respect?

I’ve messaged the moderators and asked them to raise the issue with their members.

I received a message from the moderators -on the whole, I am happy with their response and will go on recommending r/mypartneristrans as support for partners; below is the reply paraphrased (thanks ChatGP):

Thank you for sharing the WPATH link in your previous comment. I won’t speak on behalf of the entire moderation team, but I’m not as familiar with your specific situation, and I plan to learn more about that particular type of transition.

I am aware of some disagreement in the medical community regarding Eunuch as an identity. WPATH is one medical organization, and there are others with differing opinions. Such conflicts are common in organizations that establish medical standards of practice. For instance, recommendations for Cervical Cancer Screenings have undergone revisions and conflicts over the past four years. These organizations aim to adapt to the latest evidence available, and this process can be messy. I anticipate that discussions on this issue will continue evolving, especially given the recent spike in conversation as of 2022.

Considering all of this, it’s not surprising that there’s some confusion in your recent post. I’d like to clarify a few things about this space.

Firstly, we do encounter transphobia here. Many individuals come here to work through their transphobia. While we have a rule against intentional transphobia, we acknowledge the value of discussing and unpacking new or uncomfortable feelings or ideas in a safe space. As someone with lived experience, it’s important to note that you may encounter transphobia here.

This space is specifically for the partners of trans people, and conversations here may be triggering to trans individuals. We encourage trans members to step away from discussions that are triggering or uncomfortable for them. Our goal is to shoulder the burden of educational work so that trans partners don’t have to do as much.

Secondly, this is a space for partners, with a focus on centering partners. We welcome trans partners as long as the focus remains on the partner. We also acknowledge and welcome perspectives from t4t relationships.

Regarding your posts, your initial post was a clear request on how to support your husband and was generally well-received. However, the second post, as interpreted, seemed more about seeking support for yourself. You asked, “My question to the group is how can I balance my own excitement, yet support my husband through his own grief?” This delicate balance led commenters to focus on your identity.

I will discuss this with the other moderators to gather different perspectives. You are welcome to continue participating here, but please keep in mind that this space is primarily for your partner. You may recommend that he explore this space on his own, and you might find more relevant support in trans-related subreddits.

I hope this information is helpful. Feel free to reach out if you have any questions.

Moderator of r/mypartneristrans