Last week I went through a period of feeling absolutely shit-a-brick terrified. I tried to work it out: what was I actually afraid of?

Am I afraid of getting there? Nope! A little anxious about making the various connections, but no worse than any other trip abroad.

Was I afraid of the operation? It is an operation, there are risks, but nope! I might be a bit nervous about it, but I’m not afraid of it. At times I actually feel quite excited about it – I may even be able to watch it!

Was I afraid of the recovery? Nope! The discomfort (and possible pain) of it will mean that I have achieved what I set out to achieve! I am actually looking forward to it!

Am I afraid of life afterwards? Nope! I’m really very excited about what I think life afterwards will be like!

Am I afraid of the journey home? Nope! That’s usually a lot easier than getting abroad.

Am I afraid of coming home? Nope! I’m excited about what’s happening in my relationship and hopeful for the future!

What the hell was I frightened of? Fear itself! I am afraid that, when the time comes, that I will just be too afraid to go through with it … but I’ve just noted that I’m not afraid of anything to do with the operation, recovery, or life afterwards.

Suddenly, Roosevelt’s saying:

We have nothing to fear but fear itself

President Roosevelt – first inaugural address

Simply means that I shouldn’t be afraid of fear because great isn’t real, but it could still paralyse me.

Sticking with the Roosevelt’s:

You gain strength, courage and confidence by every experience in which you really stop to look fear in the face. You are able to say to yourself, ‘I have lived through this horror. I can take the next thing that comes along. ‘ You must do the thing you think you cannot do

Eleanor Roosevelt

I don’t think having my balls removed is a horror, but I reckon if I can do this, I’ll be able to do anything!