I’m really struggling to sleep at the moment. I have been struggling for months now. I was prescribed some mild antidepressants to keep tackle my anxiety and sleep issues, but perhaps I need to talk to the doctor about increasing the dose. It’s something to consider.

I’m tired. I go to bed. And PING! I’m suddenly wide awake. It can be a tube circling through my head, or thoughts about what the husband and I talked about that evening. Increasingly it’s anxiety about the trip and the operation. Making sure that everything is paid for before I go and that I don’t need to carry loads of cash with me. Worrying about connections in the travel to Mexico. Worry about the operation itself. Worry about my husband, who had been deeply affected by all this. And I will confess here too worry as to whether I’m doing the right thing.

During the day, I am certain that it’s the right thing for me. During the day I am buzzing with excitement for the operation and life beyond it …. but as night comes, doubt comes too. I guess that is normal, but it’s not useful and I wish it would just fuck off and leave me alone!